I used to think that being in love is better than loving someone.
I used to think that being in love delivers a heavier baggage emotionally. It seems more moving.
Then I realized that it is passive. Falling out of love erases the state of being in. After you fall out, that’s it. You have reached the end, it is time to separate ways as there seems to be no more reason to stay. The state left as quickly as it came.
Being in love is too shallow, in my opinion.
Loving is… charged with perseverance.
You fall out of love, but if you love that person, there is nothing stopping you from continuing.
Part of loving is going against all odds, and actively trying to be with another in different aspects. There is a push towards another when you are loving them.
It’s challenging feat, to continue loving even if you don’t “feel” so. It’s more noble of a state.
In Theology, we defined love as “the will to extend oneself…” towards the other (in this context, at least). Loving is wanting to be with another despite the world against you.
Recently, the love of my life told me he was considering taking a break, just so I have no expectations when he becomes busy.
And that thought shook, and still shakes me to my core. How can someone who loves you even consider such a thing?
It questioned my worth to him. Am I not worth holding on for, that it was easy for him to think of such a thing?
Is he just in love with me, and does not love me?
Was it so easy to fall out, and leave?
I know I love him, he is the most important thing to me, and I am ready to face everything that stands against he and I. Yet, for him to say that to me, negates all these things I am ready to do for him.
My love felt unrequited, and that hurt.
He is worth so much to me, and it feels like I am not worth enough to him.
It feels like, it is so easy for him to quit, and walk away, and I’m the fool who would hold on despite hurt and all.
I, who loves, is not loved back, but just the one who the other is in love with.
It hurts. I could not explain how much.
In addition, he would rather not talk of what happens if the worst comes. Focusing only on the good is delusion, and lacks any care. What happens in the bad? Again, is it just that easy to let go? Easy to say that, “That’s it,”?
I am haunted in my thoughts, and I just want to shut the world out. I am tired of feeling unworthy.